15 Unwritten Rules of Youth Soccer

1) Fattest kid is always the goalie

2) The best-looking kid is always a forward

3) The best player on the team is always named Manny

4) If you have long hair and wear a headband to keep it out of your face, you’re cool no matter what

5) If your mom brings oranges, it’s your fault

6) If your mom brings rice krispie treats, you have the best mom ever dude

7) You pretend that victory tunnels are “gay,” but okay whatever they’re kind of cool

8) The next three fattest kids (after the goalie) play defense

9) If you get a header at some point in the game and you’re usually a good player, it was an awesome move

10) If you get a header at some point in the game and you’re usually a crappy player, you’re selfish and just wanted to head the ball, and you should have passed it to Manny

11) We just lost the game to the other team, why do we have to high-five every single one of them

13) If you’re also on a club team, you’re a better player than the normal kids. You also have more money than them.

14) If you keep mentioning casually that you’re “also on a club team” the normal kids think you are a douchebag

15) If you have a foreign last name, they will misspell it on the trophy