“HOT PIECE OF ASSASSIN” of the day (thanks to Pete D’Amato for the suggestion)

Mike Danton

Target: His gay lover. I think. But he might not be gay. But here at “Hot Piece of Assassins,” that’s fine if he’s gay. Really, we’re totally fine with it.

Jury’s Verdict: Pled guilty to a murder conspiracy. Might get an excess of 10 years.

Our Verdict: Offsides! Icing! Is he gay, really? Hat Trick! Power Play! Cross-Checking! God, that’s so upsetting. Hooking! Interference! I wonder if he’d switch teams for me. Slashing! Zamboni! Sudden Death! Penalty Shot!