Dear Cannibal Steve #2

Dear Cannibal Steve,

I know you’ve probably gotten a lot of this… it’s just; I don’t know where to turn. I’m one of those millions of Americans who is about to lose my home to the mortgage crisis. I’ll admit, I took out a mortgage I couldn’t really afford, but I thought I’d find some way to manage… somehow. Anyway, I have a family to support, two little girls, and my career as an electrician just isn’t paying the bills. Should I go back to school? Can I risk it? Or am I just too late? I don’t want to end up renting some shitty house in the south side of town. Can you please help me?

-        Gary

Gary:

Well, you’re in a tough place right now, and like you said, so are most Americans as a result a real lack of oversight and responsibility on the part the real estate investment and financing industries… but the real question is, what should you do? After some discussion with close friends, my advice is this…you’ve got to avoid falling into debt… That’s where real trouble starts. So, first off, you need to speak to the issuer of your mortgage, or the owner, and get them to agree to a reasonable payment plan. Chances are, they are hurting too, so cut a deal. And then, after a hearty handshake, follow him to his car, pull out a knife and insert it into his back. Stab as many times as you feel you need to… then, use your knife to cut his throat and dig his brain out from the base of his skull. I’d recommend you eat it (so you know what he knows,) but, to each his own. Then, get yourself into school; enroll in a community college close to home.  See if your town or state has any programs that will subsidize your education… chances are they will. If not, go to the next city council meeting with your favorite metal baseball bat and you know… consume some souls.  Good luck.

-        Steve the “Cannibal”