August 2011
3 posts
12 tags
Watchdarrenmiller:
WHAT’S IT LIKE PLANNING THE LAST BBQ OF THE SUMMER!? FIND OUT IN THIS BRAND NEW COMEDY RAP MUSIC VIDEO STARRING KANYE WEST!
OKAY so I totally lied about Kanye West. But I hope you watch this video. I produced it and I wrote it with Kevin Mead and Kirk Larsen. Kirk directed and edited it and Kevin starred in it, alongside Emily Axford, myself, and many wonderfully helpful and...
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Watchkirklarsen:
hallekiefer:
ryanxilliams:
Don’t let some stupid earthquake keep you from watching me in this video! I play a human man in it!
The baby I got to work with, Haaziq, is the best baby actor in town. A consummate actor, exceedingly professional, plus his little shoes matched his shorts and Surf! shirt.
Need a baby? Call Zip Baby. THIS IS A SKETCH ABOUT A BABY RENTAL SERVICE
...
June 2011
1 post
6 tags
April 2011
5 posts
4 tags
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Watchkevinmead:
paulbriganti:
darrenmiller:
Three years ago, Paul Briganti, Kevin Mead, and I made this 22 minute short film, starring TJ Miller.
Over time, we recut it, and decided recently to release it on the internet to the public.
This was by far the hardest thing I’d ever done in my entire life. I was a junior in college and knew nothing about how to make a film; all I knew is that I...
Songs That Make Me Want To Walk Down a Hallway in...
March 2011
19 posts
9 tags
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An Open Letter to Mt. Everest
I write this as I finish, well as Akun (my Sherpa,) finishes the final check on our equipment. Moments from now, we will begin our ascent to the Day 1 base camp, our first step in conquering your peak and thus, defeating you.
You have been the center of my nightmares for years now, ever since you claimed the life of my father in early 1997, and now you are about to pay dearly. My father was...
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My Curb Your Enthusiasm Moment
Kevin coined this story as my Curb Your Enthusiasm moment, and I think he is right, so I will coin it as such, but with one caveat. I have to first say that I CANNOT STAND CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM. I don’t know what it is. I’ve honestly tried so many times to like the show, but in the end it’s just Larry David having an irrationally strong opinion about someone or something, and then whining a lot...
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Dear Cannibal Steve #2
Dear Cannibal Steve,
I know you’ve probably gotten a lot of this… it’s just; I don’t know where to turn. I’m one of those millions of Americans who is about to lose my home to the mortgage crisis. I’ll admit, I took out a mortgage I couldn’t really afford, but I thought I’d find some way to manage… somehow. Anyway, I have a family to support, two little girls, and my career as an electrician just...
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Kevin Mead remixes Stevie...
Songs That Make Me Want To Walk Down a Hallway in...
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Please, Have a Piece!
Please, everyone, enjoy a piece of this delicious chocolate cake. If everything has gone according to my instructions, the cake (and this note), are sitting on the counter in the break room. Eat and be merry. I could not bring myself to personally deliver this homemade creation, but my loyal assistant, Brian, has taken care of everything. It’s my gift to all of you after a long, difficult, and...
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All "I" Can Eat
I suppose there isn’t a clear indicator, an elementary style grading system, which would have defined success or failure in this endeavor. A chorus of half drunken frat boys might chime in that I should have “eaten all the fucking ribs in the world.” A ridiculous notion but one which holds a certain heartfelt, “110%”, sense of failure when I came close to do no such thing. Any who…
“A Night on...
June 2010
1 post
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May 2010
4 posts
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Ways for a non-football fan to talk to someone who...
1. Any player they bring up, you need to decide if they seem positive or negatively inclined towards that player.
If positive – say that the “kid” has a lot of heart, and that he has really “shown up to play” this season.
If negative – say that the bum let the money go to his head, and that you have to “earn your place on the field, day in and day out.”
2. If they bring up a team that seems to...
April 2010
6 posts
6 tags
Roman Polanski: "Whatever, haters. I'ma do me." (A...
SPOILER ALERT - By the end of this post, I will have totally ruined the ending of this movie.
Anyone who has been lucky enough to sit through a successful long-form improv set will tell you; few theater experiences can measure up to the satisfaction of predicting a move, moments before a performer nails it in the scene. It’s a big ol’ back scratch for the intellect, to feel that...
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Failed Web Series Ideas: Volume I
As major media outlets pay closer and closer attention to the internet, many are soliciting proposals for how to best utilize new media. The “Failed Web Series” series consists of some of the most seriously considered, but ultimately failed, projects. These came to the author by way of the back channels of the internet from places such as Viacom, Disney, Fox, etc.. What follows has NOT been...
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15 Unwritten Rules of Youth Soccer
1) Fattest kid is always the goalie
2) The best-looking kid is always a forward
3) The best player on the team is always named Manny
4) If you have long hair and wear a headband to keep it out of your face, you’re cool no matter what
5) If your mom brings oranges, it’s your fault
6) If your mom brings rice krispie treats, you have the best mom ever dude
7) You pretend that...
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Famous Last Words
Compiled with bleak! Comedy.
“Aw fuck, this fucking hang nail…”
“OOOh, here it is. Honey, you’ll never guess where I found the -“
“You can’t kill me, I guessed right!”
“Great! So we have a deal.”
“Oh man, I LOVE the Dollar Menu!”
“Hey, you’re Kareem Abdul-Jabbar!”
“I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have cancer.”
“Don’t worry, they always land on their feet.”
“Don’t worry, he’s blind.”
...
March 2010
10 posts
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Dear Cannibal Steve
Dear Cannibal Steve,
My mom is just impossible! I hate her! Look, it’s just like, she doesn’t get me. I’m 17 now and she can’t control my life. I mean I’m not unreasonable here, I just want to be able to stay out past 11 on weekend nights. None of my friends, not Sarah, not Melissa, nobody has a curfew that harsh. And every time I try to talk to her about it, My mom is just like “You’re only 17,...
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The Redundancy of Time by Andrew Emerson Rehm (Age...
The Redundancy of Time
by Andrew Emerson Rehm (Age One)
I’m not quite sure what the deal is but these two people keep looking at me. Watching me. Sometimes other people look at me too. Everyone’s always, I don’t know, leering. It’s just seems rude. I don’t know, if I was them I’d- TREE! THERE’S A TREE! I JUST SAW A TREE- learn some manners. But...
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Dear Family Members of Carlwood Cemetery
I’m writing to you because you have a family member or friend buried within our hallowed grounds. We here at Carlwood honor and respect you’re difficult loss.
However, times change, and we have decided to shift some things around.
Let’s not kid ourselves; single graves are a huge waste of space. Not to mention a hell of an eye sore. Our plan is to transport all of the remains from the thousands...
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Descriptions of TV Shows By Someone Who Has Never...
THE SIMPSONS: A sitcom about a family with jaundice, living in a town full of other people with jaundice. The town’s first black residents move in.
LOST: A large foster family lives on a deserted island. They connect over their common pyschological issues and emotional baggage. Their foster parents are abusive….and mysterious.
MAD MEN: A digitally remastered after school special series from the...
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February 2010
26 posts
5 tags
Songs That Make Me Want To Walk Down a Hallway in...